• Today marks a threshold for me.

    After a five-year hiatus, a deep journey into business leadership, some life-changing events, and several months of preparation, I’m re-opening my coaching shop.

    I feel so grateful and happy to be here once more.

    But to explain why, I need to tell you a story.

    When you drift off track

    Have you ever noticed that life has this way of helping you out when you drift off track? It throws stuff at you to help you find the way again. The twist is that the help doesn’t always feel helpful at first. It can fuck things up, make it harder.

    And yet help it is, and back onto the path it ushers us, whether gently or forcefully.

    Over the last year, I’ve been given a deep lesson in this principle. Because boy did I drift off track.

    It’s easily done. And in fact (and perhaps infuriatingly) it turns out that drifting off track is also the path too. Because all the detours you take and the circles you spin in, are of course part of the journey. We have to go off track to rediscover the track.

    It was in 2020 when I finished up with my last coaching client. I knew I needed to step back for a while. I loved my clients. They were feeling deeply served. Yet, somehow I couldn’t fit myself into the same box anymore, and didn’t know what the new box was.

    So I stopped coaching. And I stopped writing.

    I always planned to come back to it when things settled down and got easier. Which (spoiler alert) never came!

    This was the same year I stepped in as co-owner and co-leader of Coaches Rising, a company two friends of mine had founded together, and for which I’d run the marketing since 2014.

    Coaches Rising is an amazing company. It was an early pioneer in online programs for coaches, creating advanced coach trainings on transformational topics, led by world-class faculty. Thousands of coaches take its training programs every year

    Growth and divorce in business

    2020 and covid turned out to be a big year for Coaches Rising. As the world sheltered in place and turned to the internet for social connection and deeper experience, our programs exploded.  And my coaching fell firmly out of sight as the workload increased.

    Then in the autumn of 2021, one of my partners (and co-founder of the company) told us he wanted to step out of the company and move onto new things.

    None of us had expected this, and we went on a steep learning curve as we learned how to do “business divorce”.

    One of the things divorce means, is a difficult negotiation of value where the party that’s leaving inevitably thinks the company is worth more than the party that’s staying.

    Alongside this is the emotional letting go, and the gaping hole that this person leaves behind in the work of the company.

    This takes months. And meanwhile, there’s still a company to run. Any business owner who’s been through this experience knows how hard it is.

    We made it. We remained friends on the other side. We all moved on.

    Which for me and Joel (the remaining co-founder) meant the challenge of taking the company into a new phase.

    I should say who Joel is, because he is not simply the founder of Coaches Rising, he’s my soul brother. We moved to Amsterdam together in 2008 in search of “conscious community”, and we’ve long been each other’s first phone call when the shit hits the fan.

    Business leadership and soul pain

    It was a big change for both of us.  We took on new roles and responsibilities, we started to revision the company, we hired new people for our growing team.

    Some people say you should never go into business with your friends. I feel the opposite of this. I only want to do it if I can do it with friends.

    But it does come with its challenges! And Joel and I had them.

    We had wins, we had losses. We navigated challenges. We matured parts of the company that greatly needed it.

    I learned more than I can write here. Things like…

    • How to create and read profit-and-loss statements, so we keep our fingers on the financial pulse of the company.
    • How to lead a team – empowering others to do the work allowing me to direct from higher up (rather than just doing everything myself).
    • That I have a tough and resilient soldier inside who doesn’t stop and will give everything for the cause.
    • How to turn off the worry voice when I get up at 3am for a piss, so I can get back to sleep rather than lying awake stressing.
    • How to take stinging feedback without collapsing or defending (so you can actually hear it and grow from the experience).

    I grew immeasurably, learned deep embodied and practical lessons about the art of business. I discovered strength I never knew I had.

    And then I burned out.

    First I got sick, and couldn’t shift it for weeks, kicking around in bed feeling guilty about all the other people who were running the ship.

    I went deep. I asked for guidance, I had a long hard look at myself. I listened to the answers I received. I hired a new person to run the operations of my marketing team — I started to create more space for myself.

    And then I got even sicker—a reoccurrence of a chronic condition I thought I was over. One evening a year ago, it all came to a head. I still remember it vividly…

    I’m on the floor of my cabin, using all my spiritual and somatic skills to try and surf the extreme pain and fear I’m in.

    I surrender. I let myself fall, all the way to the bottom of the well.

    And there amongst the pain, I hear the truth.

    “Ewan, you have to stop.”

    She said it with deep love and great urgency.

    I heard it in the centre of my heart, and it broke me open. I was burned out. And I had to stop.

    This was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to admit.

    I thought I was immune to it. Too self-aware and self-sovereign to fall foul of such a thing! Right up to the point I realised I already had.

    But admit it I did, which lead to some vulnerable conversations with Joel and the rest of the team. I felt ashamed – like I’d failed. And I felt completely and utterly exhausted.

    So, I took time off.

    The first months took me so deep. Into the core of myself and all the knotted trauma that I was oblivious to. My practice got deep too. I spent many hours on the mat. I faced some of my most hidden and vulnerable parts. I learned how to unwind my clenched and exhausted nervous system. Which involved lots of body practice, lots of baking, and lots of playing around the house with my son.

    Most importantly, I began to see the elephant that had been standing in the room all along.

    Truth that sets you free

    If you’ve followed my work for a while, you might know that I see the entrepreneur as being made up of (at least) 3 core archetypes – the Artist, the Merchant, and the Seeker. This is a map that came out of me, and also one that guides me.

    It was my business mentor Rand who helped me see the elephant.

    We were talking one afternoon. I was messy. Confused.

    “What led you to this?” He asked.

    I fumbled around for a while before he turned my own map upon me.

    “You’ve overdosed on the Merchant, and you’ve suppressed the Artist.”

    The truth. I’d been killing myself for the cause, being a business leader. And I’d left my art behind.

    Our conversation gave me the most powerful of experiences—like I was caught and freed at the same time. I couldn’t escape the truth. And yet it opened the way.

    I knew I couldn’t go back to the same thing– soldiering on, hoping one day to have enough time to get back to “my work”.

    I knew I had to reclaim and recommit to my own art – my writing and coaching.

    Joel and I had some difficult and very honest conversations when we met to talk about the future. It was a process that took us both deep into truth. And at the end of it we agreed to part ways.

    So, we went through another business divorce.

    But this time it was me leaving. It’s challenging enough to go through this with any business partner. It was made so much harder for me when the person I’d normally call to counsel me, is the one sitting on the other side of the negotiation table.

    These things are rarely easy, and it takes time, but we did it with generosity, honesty and grace.

    So indeed, life has this way of helping you out when you drift off track. It’s just that the help doesn’t always feel helpful at first.

    Back on the path

    From burnout to break up. And then back onto the path. But of course, everything is different now. As Heraclitus said: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

    I feel different in (seemingly) paradoxical ways. Stronger, and also more sensitive. More driven, yet more relaxed. More confident, and also humbler.

    And as I said earlier, the thing about drifting off the path, is that it’s also part of the path. My detour took me through a deep period of Merchant training. My knowledge of business has tripled during the last 5 years. And I feel blessed to be able to bring all that experience into the work I do helping entrepreneurs.

    The irony is not lost on me. The fact that I repressed the deep call to coach people, by running a company that trained coaches.

    And yet, over the last few months as I’ve re-visioned my work, put pieces together, re-written this website, and started writing and coaching again, a feeling has returned that I feared was lost.

    It’s the feeling of being where I’m supposed to be. “This is why I’m here.”

    Back on the path.

    And so, it’s with great delight and deep gratitude that I can say…

    My shop is open for business again

    What does this mean?

    I’ll be publishing regularly here on this blog (if you want to know when new stuff comes out, make sure you’re signed up on my mailing list below).

    And I’m opening my coaching shop again.

    So if you’re interested in coaching (or know someone who is), I’m taking on new clients.

    If you don’t know what kind of coaching I do, I coach entrepreneurs—freelancers and founders. I work at the intersection of business, spirituality and creativity. I’m part guide, part advisor, and I help you walk your path, growing your work and business in the way that calls you.

    You can read more about coaching here.

    If you made it all the way to the end here, thank you. Your presence means a lot to me.

  • The first time I met one of my guides, I had no idea that’s what he was.

    He was a strange, hooded figure that showed up in a “journey” during my first weekend shaman workshop. The workshop was full of people I’d tried my best to avoid in life – tribal yoga pants and feathery spiritual auras abounded. I smoked cigarettes on the break and reassured myself I was different.

    There were no psychedelic substances involved. It was based on the simple power of the drum and rattle. I was clean, clear and sceptical.

    The figure I met (who later turned out to be a guide) was like a half human-half reptile, hooded and carrying a staff. He sat me down in front of a fire, in a cave next to a great underground lake and stared into my eyes. I don’t even remember if he said anything, but I remembered him.

    The practice I was taught during the workshop – soul flight – is a foundational practice of shamanism. You journey to the other realms, and there meet with spirits who guide and heal you.

    I did further training that year with the same teacher in England. And then I went home and experimented for two years.

    Voices through the Veil

    I was riding home from the park. I’d been seeking council from “hooded-shaman dude” (who by this point I’d worked with in a number of ceremonies). It had gone deep, but now I was done and heading home for dinner.

    As I coasted along I “melded” with his memories. And suddenly I was riding a horse across a savannah in a magical landscape. The significance of both the scene itself and the fact I was melding memories, was running through my body. I felt alive. The wind was no longer cold it was magical. The movement of the ground under my feet was the dry sand under the horse’s hooves.

    Then he did the thing that was the pebble that started the landslide change in my worldview. He spoke directly into my mind—like a call being patched through straight to my brain, with an accent.

    He teased me.

    “You know it is pretend horse, right?”

    He made me literally laugh out loud.

    I can’t fully replicate his humour in writing. It’s in the absolutely perfect timing and tone of his jokes. Like when someone lands the perfect line and it strikes right in your weak spot, but it feels really good and opens your heart. He did that.

    And then I knew. Because I can’t do that to myself. The point of that perfect joke is that you don’t see it coming. I hadn’t, and now I was really laughing.

    Something opened then and he really started speaking to me. Inside my mind, like all the other voices do, but now I knew it was someone else, and the signal got really clear. We began to have a back-and-forth conversation as I cycled home.

    And by the end of the bike ride, I was starting to get a bit freaked out. I asked him to “please leave me alone and stop talking to me!” Which he did, and my mind returned to its normal “alone” feeling. Which was a relief. Like stepping off the rollercoaster.

    I knew things were going to be different though.

    *

    A couple of days later I sat on a bench in the forest, and we started talking again. I’d done some integration, I’d re-assured myself I wasn’t doing something terribly wrong, and I’d decided it was time to have a frank conversation.

    There’s something about me. I fundamentally trust people’s hearts. And, I have an incredibly sensitive alarm system for stuff that is off-key or dissonant. It’s a capacity I’ve tuned and cleaned over the years.

    And here was a particularly weird new challenge. I was readying myself to talk with an “imaginary friend” who wore a hood and seemed to have a crocodile’s tail protruding from the back of his cloak (though it’s hard to tell sometimes in dream time). My rational guardians were on fucking edge.

    “This is fucking weird Ewan. And you know it! Test this fucker out.”

    And yet while I trusted the cautionary advice, what was really curious was that my alarm system was not going off. This is a pattern which would repeat itself many times – the rational alarm beeping, my intuitive trust knowing it was right and true.

    So, I dived in and I asked him some really fundamental questions. I wanted to know who on earth I was talking to, and how deeply I could trust this strange character.

    I wanted to get a read on him. My intuitive capacities were in trust, but my map of the world didn’t have a good explanation for what was happening, and who he was.

    “Are you alive?”

    “Of course. I am talking to you aren’t I?” He enjoys my questions. Like a loving school master encouraging a student. “But not in the way you think of as alive”.

    “Do you have a name?” I ask him. I can feel his presence, as though he’s sitting next to me on the bench.

    “Yes. But I will have to teach you some things to tell it to you.”

    He then proceeded to show me what “names” were to him, in his life. They were really quite different to ours. He showed me how to visualise it. I closed my eyes, and I found myself sitting in a big stone chair and carved into the rock around me are symbols. He points to the ones above me.

    Above my left shoulder was a strange beast head, lizard like.

    “What is this symbol on the left?” I ask him?

    “This is a dragon.” he says.

    Above the right shoulder was a symbol I definitely knew: a moon.

    “OK, and so what does this have to do with your name?” I still hadn’t grasped it.

    “This is my name. Or at least one I am giving to you to call me with. But you must read from the other perspective.”

    I stood up, took a few paces, and looked back at the bench where he was sitting. I could see the symbols above his shoulders.

    “Read left to right”. He pointed first to one symbol, then the other. “My name is Moon—Dragon.”

    Well fuck. I was amazed and delighted. How fun! A name made from special symbols. I loved it.

    But fuck. My rational alarm system could foresee the implications already. I was going to be one of those people who talk to spirit guides with weird names. Fuck, fuck.

    “Were you once alive as a human?”

    “Yes.”

    “How long ago did you live?” I ask him.

    “How do you measure time?” He replies.

    Well, that was a bloody good question.

    I did my best to draw out some diagrams in my notebook that explained about solar years, and then how we wrote numbers.

    After a bit of back and forth, and number sequence translation he gave me the answer…

    “Moon—Dragon died 39,327 years ago”.

    Well, that was a lot more precise that I was expecting.

    *

    Over the following months he showed me how to do things. Little rituals in the woods. The key was to be like a child. Which is more accurately: ‘be child you’. This is where the innocent knowledge of the other side already exists, and where we instinctively know how to “play with the spirits”.

    And concurrently to all of this I was fiercely analysing my experiences with scepticism and logic. I wrote regularly in a “magic journal” where I would attempt to secularize my experiences and make sense of them without relying on anything I considered woo-woo hoodoo. In other words, could I rationally explain my irrational experiences?

    In retrospect I can see that it’s mostly my mind catching up. The experiences were real and deeply meaningful. Which my soul knew, but which my model of reality and its egoic keepers, were still trying to salvage as the boat went down.

    Awakening to the World of Healing

    Moon—Dragon was the first of four primary guides that have introduced themselves to me.

    I say introduced themselves, because they gave me names to call them, and they told me about who they were and what they were here to help me with. But these are just names for my ease. Souls don’t really have names.

    I needed their names to help me develop intimacy and trust with each of them.

    It was in January this year that things went to another level, and where that trust was to be utilized.

    It started with a (delayed) trip to Turkey to meet up with a very old friend with whom I had discovered a shared fascination with all things magical.

    The delaying of the trip is a story for another time, but let’s just say it was an unplanned initiation into shamanic healing, through my own transgenerational trauma.

    When I got to Turkey, we spent 5 days catching up while visiting Göbekli Tepe and other ancient temple sites. We talked magic, we reached for it. And when I returned home, it showed up.

    I was innocently performing a simple ceremony that one of my other guides had showed me. And then in the midst of it all hell broke loose. She guided me through a spontaneous healing session – one that I had been trained in technically by my shamanic teacher in England, but which I had never actually performed.

    Before I knew it my world had been changed once more.

    I had been dispossessed of a certain family illness that I had hitherto had absolutely no knowledge of, and which turned out to reveal some very interesting results, once healed.

    For that was the real world-changer. I had discovered what healing really was.

    Honestly, I’d had little interest in “healing”, even though I had trained in many methods of shamanic healing, I felt it wasn’t for me. I wasn’t drawn to it. In a sense, I didn’t believe in it.

    This was the real stuff though. What shamans call “direct experience”. I’d already tasted the depth of information possible through my guides. Now I was having direct experience of their healing power.

    This ceremony was the first in a series (that’s till continuing). I’ve been led through a kosmic network of esoteric knowledge, all revolving around my own healing process.

    Chapter one was lineage work. Trans-generational illnesses. Each one took me back into the lives of one of my ancestors and (often) a moment in their lives when something got all wonky.

    My task was to travel back in time, through the astral passages, and heal it. Which I did (I think!). At least enough to get me to chapter two, which is still in operation as I write these words and concerns the traumas of my own childhood (which inevitably lead back into my family history once more).

    I didn’t know any of this was possible.

    I had no idea guides could actually facilitate ceremonies. For that’s exactly what they did.

    “OK Ewan. Just feel your heart. Do you feel how much I love you? It’s your choice. There is no rule. Feel yourself and your own truth.”

    When I was feeling scared, they’d reassure me.

    And when I had no idea what I was doing, they simply talked me through the steps, just like a workshop leader would. Except they were talking to me inside my heart-mind, and the scenes around me were of other times and spaces.

    “Now comes the healing, are you ready?”

    “Yes.”

    “OK, take a breath – yes. Now let yourself dissolve into the moment. Ready? Turn to your left and meet it.”

    It was almost never what or who I expected it to be. It was always simple and beautiful. And something I could never have found alone. Each one changed me in some way, though it’s hard (mostly) to say how. The combined effect however is undeniably different. More me.

    The (Meta)Physics of Guides

    My worldview on the other side of these experiences is different. Some parts of reality map have been re-written, and huge new swathes of what I now know are “real” have been sketched in.

    Here are a few travel notes.

    We’re definitely not alone. In fact, some of the voices in your head, that you know well, are none other than your own guides. They hide out, covertly doing good.

    When we die, we don’t die. The opposite. We return and remember who we are, which is an eternal soul, with a lifetime of lifetimes of memory.

    This one—the soul (me without the amnesia)—is also the one who planned out a great deal of what I’m now living through incarnation. Certainly not all of it (soul plans are just that – plans, which have a whole lot of potential for going “off-map”), but the key stuff? Oh yes.

    The stuff I repeatedly bang my head up against was all anticipated and “set-up” for me to learn through. Those are (by definition) the particular challenges that my character in this life needs to learn through, in order to unlock the higher character upgrades. That’s how the system is designed to work.

    Incarnation in this three-dimensional reality is a choice (for sovereign choice it always is). Certainly not all souls choose to do so. Why? It’s intense! Particularly here in Earth school – Gaia is a particularly potent and challenging spot to come and play. And particularly now!

    Coincidence?

    Certainly not for me (as I found out), and indeed for many of us who are discovering there is more to this “reality” than meets the eye. That the “fantasies” we love to see in movies are not actually so fanciful.

    Who and where is a guide?

    They’re not in this world I see and touch. My shamanic teaching tells me they exist in “non ordinary reality”.

    Most directly, they are souls who have chosen not to incarnate, and instead play the role of guide for those of us down here in the physical world.

    They live in a different dimension to us, one outside of physical limitation. They are in effect, all-seeing and all-knowing. But they are not gods – their power is incredibly limited (here in the physical).

    Their power is in their guidance of us, for they see the whole picture, and the great web of possibilities. They know our hearts inside and out, and what we’re here to do.

    When a shaman or psychic “talks with the spirits” they are (usually) connecting with their guides. In many traditions, the guides are the ancestors (which is usually literally true of course). The Christian name for them is guardian angels (though they are not in fact angels at all).

    They are specialists at guiding us. In fact, it’s their job or more precisely their role. They help us walk our own evolutionary path. There’s no “control”. There is no coercion.

    Quite the opposite.

    The purpose of their role is to guide us in our own sovereign choices. And at the same time, to guide toward the soul path (the things we planned to do, but may have forgotten about, or be scared to face).

    Some things guides are not

    The kinds of guides I’m talking about here are our personal guides – specific to us. We each have (at least) one.

    This is different from, for example Jesus. Who is not my personal guide. He is a soul in the category that the esoteric schools call the “ascended masters”. He’s up there doing his thing with Buddha, Merlin etc. They are beings who are available for communication with anyone who wants it (if you can receive such high frequencies)! But they’re not specific to you like your own guides.

    You could think of it this way. If you want the most direct coaching on this life incarnation—what you’re here to do, and who you’re remembering you are— then you’re going to get maximum effectiveness with your own guide team.

    If you can’t find them, Jesus is like a “universal guide” that anyone can use. Kind of like if you forget your gym clothes and need to borrow one from the shared box.

    So your personal guides won’t be “famous”. If Jesus is telling you that you’re the special one and you’re the only one that can hear him, then you’ve definitely missed the point, or the identity of the actual speaker, and therefore the implications of your own egoic grandeur.

    They are also not “one person”. Souls are of course not “one person”, they are beings who have lived thousands of lives, and remember them all. So restricting them to a name, or a particular person is useful but not quite true.

    Guides also regularly show up as collectives. “They”.

    Some psychics and mediums don’t have differentiation between their individual guides. They are simply and always a collective. Sometimes even without names. “The guides”.

    Others are personally guided by their own ancestors or relatives. The grandmothers and grandfathers. Even someone who knew, when they’re on the other side, they’re the “transcendent version” of themselves.

    Guides are also most definitely not gods. Any soul on the other side looks, feels and sounds completely enlightened to us. Because they are—by our standards. But they are definitely not gods.

    Guides are not the answer to everything either. But they are a game changer. Here are some of the reasons why.

    Understanding the Utility of Guides

    Imagine a cast of enlightened masters who sit on your guidance council, and whenever you’re unsure of what to do, or where to go, or who you are, or what’s true…

    You can go and ask them.

    And they’ll answer.

    They are an access portal to your soul power. They help you understand where your true power lies, and gently ease you away from the mistaken assumptions you’ve made as you’ve stumbled along unguided, and developed habits that while necessary to create, are now the obstacle that is the way.

    They are so good at guiding you because…

    One. They live outside of time and space.

    As souls not bound to the physical dimension of reality, they are not bound by time and space. These are very challenging concepts to write in language. Their awareness and consciousness are not limited to a single point of time and space (like our embodied consciousness), thus, they are able to see all spaces, and all times simultaneously.

    This is utterly minding bending to us, but utterly normal to them.

    The result is that they see it all. In English we would say they are omniscient – they see everything. Therefore, you can trust that wherever they’re guiding you, they’re working from a complete data set.

    They really do see the whole game board. And they’re “non-physical entities” (which is a rather ugly term), which means they’re not limited by matter. They can “be” anywhere, because “where” (spatial location) is a construct they live outside of. This means…

    Two. They see the purpose of everything.

    This is the nature of their dimension in fact, and where the whole “outside of time and space” thing starts to bear fruit. They see the purpose of the movement of things (beings) through space and time.

    Why do we evolve and change? What is the purpose of life? Where are we heading? Why is life so damned challenging!? Why does something exist, rather than nothing?

    They see it all. Like a great mirrored river delta, they see why one molecule of water flows from here to there. It is self-evident from their perspective.

    Purpose starts with the end in mind. Literally. It’s hard coded into the deep structure of reality. When you see the whole game board—why the river flows into the ocean, and its circular life—then the neuroticism of the water molecule who “doesn’t know if he’s on purpose”, is easily solved.

    “Keep going little watery one! You’re doing great!”

    This is often the spirit of the answer they give me when I ask them the question I’ve asked them most over the last few years.

    “Am I on track – on the soul path? Am I doing the right things?”

    “Yes, you are on right track Ewan. Keep going!”

    This is a complete game changer.

    Whenever the existential doubt clouds your life, and shit gets hard, and nothing seems to be working the way you thought it would, then you can just go and ask straight up. And they can give you a straight up answer. And it will be true (or at least exactly as true as you need).

    Three. They have no judgement.

    None. It doesn’t exist in their reality (its actually exclusive to ours). For judgement to exist, it must be fed by its twin flames of fear and pain. When you see everything and its ultimate purpose you are no longer governed by these things, even though it is hard for us to imagine such a reality.

    No, your guides will never judge you. They will never punish you. There is zero retribution in the “afterlife” if you don’t do what they say.

    The one and sole purpose for their guidance of you is love. They love you deeply, utterly and unconditionally. This is their motivation in its entirety. And the most loving thing they can possibly do in their 5th dimensional reality? Help you be you. This means…

    Four. They are the perfect coach for you.

    In fact, you mutually chose each other before you were even born (well, some of them at least). They know you – the very heart of your soul. They have complete access to your embodied memories from every single moment of every single life you’ve ever lived (outside time and space remember). And most importantly, they know what you’re here to do specifically.

    They live in the purpose realm, where the purpose of everything is revealed. And they’ve signed up to coach you specifically in achieving the purpose you came here to live.

    They coach you away from distraction (the false path) and toward the golden path of purpose (the direction your soul decided to go in this life).

    They know when to be gentle and when you need to be challenged. And because it’s all done through unconditional love, it’s unbelievably skilful guidance. Because they’re not just coaching you toward your mission objectives. They’re coaching you toward yourself and your own awakening. They can do this because…

    Five. They know how to unlock all your magic powers.

    Because they know you inside out, future and in past, they know exactly how to unlock your soul gifts (and of course in particular, the one’s you’re set up to awaken in this life).

    They principally do this by helping to plug you into your own inner knowing and being. Then they guide you (at the pace you want) along the path, down into the shadows where the roots of your gifts lie, through their illumination and unfoldment, and into the fruiting of your magical powers.

    This used to be the norm, back in the day. It was the most unremarkable thing for folks to be chatting along with their guides and doing magic. It’s only because of our current cultural location on the great archetypal wheel, that we find this utterly remarkable (or outrageously preposterous).

    They can do this for you, in this moment in history precisely because this dimension of ourselves has been culturally hidden (supressed). In other words, we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be as a culture on the cusp of a great remembering of our magical nature.

    This is all to say that they are a game-changer

    They change the game the game of life, in which we are all players.

    Imagine playing a deeply immersive multiplayer VR computer game. And you’ve been playing this game for years.

    And you discover a secret setting on your console that dials you into a team of other folks who are outside of the game (think outside the matrix), know the game inside and out (they’re ex-players, total pro league), and are signed up to help you play, specifically.

    They know the cheat codes. They know your character strengths and weaknesses (and those of everyone else). They have all the walkthroughs for the missions and quests. They know every line of every piece of code. And they know the actual purpose of the game – which is not what the payers take it to be!

    Would this change the way you played the game?

    Well, when you realize that this “imagined game” is the actual imagined game, and that imagination itself is one of the master keys to the deep code of the game…it will.

    The Astral Keys and the Initiate’s Path

    Why am I really writing this?

    First for me. This article is me coming out of the closet to myself. There’s nothing like writing it down to make it real! And simply the process of doing so has changed me further.

    It’s also of course, a coming out of the closet to you. In the specific case – you dear reader – and in the general, to the public world at large. I am very aware of taking this step.

    Most honestly though, this is for us.

    The collective soul-plan is getting stuck into a whole new chapter of our story.

    We’re getting the astral keys back – the ones that give us direct experience of the world of spirit and soul. Our world is going to look very different in the coming decades. And holy fuck is it intense and challenging down here right now. For all of us. Difficulty level 10 and still rising.

    I have come to understand that the capacities that will be a foundation of that new world are essentially magical — things our culture doesn’t believe in, but which many of us are currently awakening to.

    In other words, I know I’m not the only one.

    And so much of the path ahead has to do with our togetherness, a community not created upon old empire structures, but a tribe—a soul family. To bring back the magic that was lost to us, we have to remember who the original teachers are—the guides, the spirits.

    So may it be.

     

     

  • For the last three Christmases, my family and I have played a wonderful board game called Pandemic Legacy. The “standard” game pits the players—who constitute a collaborative team, rather than opponents—against a lethal virus which is threatening the world with extinction. The objective of the game is to keep the virus from spreading, and find a cure.

    The “legacy” editions of the game are some of the greatest board games ever made. Each time you play the game, a larger meta narrative develops. The entire game is played across 20 or so individual games, each evolving the story, and changing the game. New characters are discovered, rules change, viruses mutate, clues are discovered, conditions get harder. It’s amazing fun.

    It’s a wonderful metaphor for the game of work in this modern age of complexity and unprecedented change.

    And so as I sat on New Year’s Eve outside my house beside the fire, working on my goals for 2020, I realised that I had started to think of my goals, like Pandemic Legacy—as a game that changes as it is played.

    The objective of the game

    The objective of the game of work is to unfold your soul—unwind its potential— into actuality. To create a life forged from the blueprints held deep inside. To become who you were born to be, and contribute what you were designed to create.

    There is no obvious end point to this objective. It cannot be clearly achieved. It is not a measurable goal. It is what James Carse calls an “infinite game”.

    Most of the games we play in life are the opposite—finite games. The goal of these games is to win at the expense of others. Make more money than your neighbour. Get more twitter followers than Stormzy. Commune with more unicorns than other shamans. They are zero-sum. The game is over when you’ve accumulated enough of the limited elements to beat your opponents.

    The most important games are infinite games. The objective of an infinite game is to keep playing the game.

    This is the game of soul-unfolding. You keep playing. It has no ultimate destination. There’s always another layer, another lifetime.

    This is the context for goals. The game objective is soul-unfoldment and embodiment. The game goals are what keeps you moving along the soul path.

    Setting soul goals

    As I sat with my notebook beside the fire, I thought afresh about goals, and what this new year, indeed this new decade, held in store.

    Goals and I used to have a rather fractured relationship. I thought they were constraining prisons that blocked creative emergence. They thought I was a lazy schmuck who was too scared to put my balls on the line.

    We respect each other now. We work together. And as I sat writing beside the fire I once more enquired into their nature.

    A goal is a conceptual stake that you plant in the ground of the future, and aim your life at. It’s something that—as far as you can tell—moves you along the soul path.

    Some people like setting modest goals, targets they’re confident they can hit. The goal of the goal is to achieve it—they fail if they don’t.

    Some people like setting impossible goals, something that looks utterly unattainable. The goal of the goal is to blast apart their conceptions of what is possible. They fail if they attain it (and discover they aimed too low).

    My neurotic insecurity doesn’t do well with impossible goals. I’m still building the muscle of discipline and conscientious work. So I create goals which are attainable. But (and this is the key) in order to attain them I have to change.

    This is a soul-goal.

    The goals constellate into a whole which—if achieved—will be completed by a man more soul embodied than this man now, writing these words.

    Ewan(2019) isn’t capable of pulling them off. I have to become Ewan(2020) to do so.

    And I check—carefully—that Ewan(2020) is someone that is soul-embodied, not ego-inflated. Let me explain this. It’s also key.

    The place from which we source goals determines the path the goals will then lead us down.

    If I create goals that pump my self-esteem and help me feel superior, then the man at the end of that path will be narcissistic. If I set goals that protect my insecurity and maintain safety, then the man at the end of that path will be a coward.

    If I set goals that further the work I know I’m here to do, which put me face to face with that which scares me existentially, which force me to embody those capacities that call out to be integrated, then the man at the end of that path will be more soul-manifest.

    The rules change as you proceed

    The nature of a soul-goal is that it requires transformation. The current self is insufficient to accomplish it. The muscle of the future self must be exercised in order to attain it. The very act of setting the goal, and perusing it launches you along the path toward greater soul manifestation.

    And then? You dynamically steer as you move through the actual territory of life. Reality never measures up to our concept of it before the fact. This is very important. It allows for the possibility that you realise that the goal you set wasn’t in the right place.

    We can set goals with the best of intention—the deepest conscious presence—and then reality can change the game on us half way through.

    This is fact confused me for a long time. I can never know exactly how the reality of the future will play out. Indeed, the deeper the transformation—the more I walk the path of the soul—the less sure I can be of where I can end up.

    A cynic (and I flirted with this for many years) may therefore conclude that goals are both pointless (due to the unpredictable nature of emergent reality) and harmful (for they constrain the “pure” emergence through our mental conceptions of where we “should” be.)

    This issue took me a long time to untangle.

    I remember sitting in a car with a man I was staying with in Dallas some years ago. He was a very successful business man and was grilling me on my business goals.

    I mumbled my way through lofty aspirations that I hoped would satiate his challenge, while actually revealing the fact I didn’t have any clear goals.

    “Well that doesn’t work, you need to have goals.” He replied.

    “But I can’t know what the future holds, what if things change?” I argued back.

    “It’s very simple.” He said. “You plant a stake a ground and you go at it—hard. And if you discover it wasn’t in the right place, you move the stake, and then you go at it—hard.”

    While we indeed cannot expect our conceptions of emergent future to be accurate, the coin has a second face.

    It is the great human gift to be able to manipulate time—to conceive of the future, and sacrifice the present in service of creating that future. This is what separated our hunter-gather ancestor, who lived in the blissful ignorance of the present, to our famer ancestor, who planted his seeds, and suffered in the present for a better future when the crop would be harvested.

    Our predictions of the future may be insufficient, but it is our job to make them nonetheless, and in doing so, discover that we can indeed create the future. And while it may not be what we always expect, if we are able to stay in touch with the soul’s guidance inside—the voices that call out and activate our deep yearning—the path is one that transforms us into something greater.

    The goal is not the point. It is not the win-condition of the game.

    The win-condition is to keep playing, learning, and unfolding the soul.

    This is the infinite game.

    But the goal is what drives you along the path. The goal is how you continually play the infinite game.

  • The goal for many of us now is not what is used to be. It is not simply the attainment of a respectable job. It is not simply a good stable marriage and two kids.

    The goal is now—for a growing community of us— to self-actualize.

    The imperative is nothing short of soul-realisation, that slow and onerous path that leads through all of the things we least want to look at, toward that which we yearn so deeply for. To become who we really are.

    It is relinquishing the mistaken notion of who we should be, and instead devoting ourselves to the authenticity project.

    It is the descent into our original nature—the embodying of our natural heritage. And the accent into our highest self—who we are called to become.

    This is the path that lies before you and I.

    And it is one, whose course I believe we must now follow. This is the responsibility of our privilege—the hero’s journey of our time.

    And yet by nature of seeing this soul-path, and opening up the potential to walk its course, we simultaneously open the way along another path.

    The shadow of privilege

    Every omega has its delta. Every genius has its shadow. Every quest has its challenge. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

    In each way that we make possible a great good, we create the potential for a great ill. At the moment the ship was invented, so was the shipwreck.

    As the height of opportunity reaches high into the heavens of our new world, so the slide down into hell lengthens to balance the polarity.

    We have never been so free to discover the divinity of life, so protected and provided for, so encouraged and enabled. As the straps of conformity have frayed and rotted, we have been released to rise into the heights of self-realization.

    But these rotten straps of conformity were holding us back from more than self-realization. They were holding us back from the fall down into the pits of nihilistic insignificance. That horrible affliction where we do not matter and have no place.

    For the natural opposite of soul-driven self-realisation is a dark reality indeed—the absence of intrinsic meaning, the arbitrary nature of existence. The pointlessness of Being.

    This is the monster at the bottom of every dark mood. The spectre of the possibility that we are in fact insignificant. That it doesn’t matter, that whatever we do, it doesn’t matter. Because there’s no deeper origin, no higher destination.

    It is the germ of darkness that infects us when we turn away from what we know is most important, and fall into the self-doubt that we must supress with doughnuts or Netflix.

    The famous story goes that the world is resting on the back of a turtle, which in turn is resting on the back of a great turtle, ad infinitum. It’s turtles all the way down.

    The story of nihilism is that the world is resting on nothing. Randomness. Arbitrary form based on random context. There is no pattern to things. No great story that we are the protagonist within.

    We are simply the clever ape, who made up a world of language and clever objects to distract us from the horrendous truth that we are an accident of random mutations.

    There is no deeper truth. There is no deeper code.

    And what else can we do in the face of such a story but fall into the depths of apathy? For what is the point of doing anything, when there is no point to anything? What is the point of striving harder for the attainment of this year’s goals, when there is no actual goal to life?

    This is the world when the deeper code and the higher nature are stripped from it. When God and Soul are cleaved from the body of the world, and we are left in the empty expanse of empty cups and Instagram likes.

    The temptation of ignorance

    I’ve long thought about the scene in the Matrix where Cipher betrays Neo because he just doesn’t want to be in the real world any longer. He says “plug me back in to the matrix—take me back”. In other words he’d rather have ignorant contentment, than cold hard reality.

    I can relate.

    Especially in those inevitable moments when expectation presses down on me, I get into unhelpful habits, and things just don’t seem to go my way.

    “Why does this feel so hard? Why do I feel so unsafe?”

    Because the path of self-realization is hard. Is isn’t safe. That’s why we don’t happily choose it, and why so few embody its truths.

    The darkness of nihilism is the opposite of soul-realization. And so by choosing the path of soul-realization, you make the experience of nihilism a reality you must face.

    Nihilism is enacted when you turn away from the truth—from the brightness of your divine nature, and the illumination of your shadow.

    The soul path is choosing the light, including the light in the dark—the sovereign facing of the contents of the dark road.

    Walking the path of soul means facing the dark voluntarily­, and viscerally. For it is in the darkness that you find the treasure that can be offered in the light of the world, and of the marketplace.

    There are two paths

    The sin of nihilism is insidious. It’s right there in your pocket. The never-ending newsfeed. The next click. Then the next. Just one more. OK, one more.

    Until there is no one clicking. There is no awareness. The hard-won consciousness of your twenty first century self has been subsumed in the great collective mirage of ego.

    We are pulled out of this moment—deep time—into the superficiality of the headline, the promise that maybe this time, the click will fill that existential hole.

    This is the sin of superficiality and wilful blindness. Of putting our hands over our ears and pretending we don’t hear the deeper voices. Of numbing our bodies so that we don’t have to feel the pain of something out of alignment.

    It’s the price we pay for having freed ourselves so radically from the material necessities of survival, and opened up the path toward self-realization.

    Let us join hands

    Liberation is not found inside the cheesecake that smothers the feeling of tension. It is not uncovered through the espousal of social ideology or maintaining a glossy Instagram feed.

    It is found in the opposite direction—in becoming quiet enough to hear what is beneath the static of social media. It is in feeling ourselves, perhaps for the first time, and in encountering the urgency that each of us feel.

    The path is right there before us.

    It takes discipline to step out onto it each day. An inch is enough.

    It takes faith to keep stepping out, even though the destination is unclear.

    It takes courage to face the obstacles—the very things we have spent eons avoiding, and which trigger our deepest vulnerabilities.

    But this is what it takes.

    This is what separates those who will help build the new world, from those who will exacerbate the darkness out of which it will emerge.

    But the terrain is poorly mapped. The path unclear upon the ground of the new world.

    Perhaps if we were to join hands, and show each other the way, we might discover the promised land which we cannot help but yearn for.

  • “We’ve reached such an incredible level of freedom that for the first time in history we have to manage our own mutation. It’s up to us to decide what it means to be a successful human being. That’s the philosophical task of the age.” – Peter Koestenbaum

    I’ve ruminated on that quote for well over a year now. It comes back periodically to tempt me with its invitation. This morning it came back again.

    What does it mean to be a successful human being?

    I care about success. Genuinely care. I’ve been ambitious for a long time, I have things to do, changes to bring.

    And yet success is something I’ve never felt on gentle terms with. It’s often felt like a black figure hanging over me, berating me for not achieving the level I’m supposed to. The hare of success disappearing over the hill, while I plod along, not measuring up.

    I’ve wrestled with my ambition, baulked at the images of success I was fed. Rebelled, dropped out, found inspiration, dived in.

    So I want to talk about success with you. Because I think Koestenbaum is right. There are few more pressing issues. And in a world where we don’t have to follow the old rules of success, I think it imperative to deconstruct the inherited definitions, and build a new an image that draws forth our ambition as a creative expression, rather than pressurizes it, as a milestone to attain.

    The prescribed rules of success

    My first ‘proper’ job was at a small marketing agency in Liverpool. I’d recently graduated and got the job as a temp, and they’d liked me so offered the position to me permanently.

    I was the receptionist. A job that is not supposed to be filled by a heterosexual male. I’d answer the phones, welcome clients to the office, make coffee, open mail, complete little admin tasks. Mostly I watched video clips, played on internet forums and worked on ideas for my first business.

    They saw I was over qualified and twice offered me a position as a junior account manager. It’s rather a sought after path in the marketing and PR field. I said no. I said I wasn’t interested. They were confused.

    The thought of diving deeper into the world of clever adverts, schmoozing clients and pouring over spreadsheets made my heart go dark. But they couldn’t understand it.

    I’d turned down advancement, to stay on the lowest rung of the ladder.

    According to their world, I’d broken one of their rules of success.

    Rule #1. You must climb higher

    You work your way up the ladder. Your pay cheque gets bigger and bigger. You have more impressive sounding job titles. The really successful people run entire companies.

    But I never wanted that kind of success. I always felt like an outsider in that game, though it took me a long time to come to peace with that feeling.

    Many years later, I dropped out of the corporate game all together. I started playing the online entrepreneur game instead. It was a big relief. I had a lot more room to express myself.

    Success here is building a brand for yourself, generating a big mailing list, doing 6-figure launches, being called a ‘world expert’ on someone’s tele-summit. The milestones look a different, but I realized the rule was the same. Climb higher, at any cost. And it was in this game that I really came face to face with the second rule.

    Rule #2. More money = more success

    How much revenue did you do on your product launch, how many thousands? 50? Good job. 100? Wonderful! You’re on the way toward real success now son.

    Money is great. I like money. I like having it, I like creating it. I like being able to invest it in things I want, things that enrich me. Training courses. A month in Bali. A new leather jacket. A box of Lego for my partner’s son.

    I remember early on in the entrepreneur game we did an affiliate deal with a big website. They were the trend setter in our field, the mother ship. We crafted a really clever marketing campaign, and it worked. We brought in over $50k in revenue. It was the most revenue I’d ever done. I got my own biggest pay day. $6k, which felt like an extraordinary amount of money.

    According to the rule, we’d succeeded. But I couldn’t feel the accomplishment. I didn’t hear people telling us how much the program had helped them, how appreciative and inspired they were. Mostly I heard silence, or grumbling about big marketing promises that weren’t delivered on. I felt ashamed. Uncomfortable.

    I’ve done countless product launches since then, some brought in more money, some less. The one’s that felt like a success were those that helped a lot of people. Which sometimes correlated with big revenue, and sometimes didn’t.

    Rule #3. Success is appearing successful

    This is an insidious little bugger of a rule. One I’ve only been starting to catch myself playing by recently.

    I’ve worked very hard to present myself as being successful. I’ll drop in little lines in my writing that demonstrate how successful I am. How much I charge (because money = success remember). How far I’ve come (because successful people always climb higher).

    “Do not doubt it dear reader. Despite my obvious vulnerability, I am very successful. And you are not. Never forget that. And if you want to be successful like me, then pay me a bunch of money for coaching and maybe you’ll win too.”

    That’s not success. That’s insecurity. I’ve done that more than I like. I’m sorry, I was doing what I thought was right.

    As the air fast escapes from the balloon, I realize it’s just another rule that I never consciously agreed to play by.

    The original nature of success

    The root of the word comes from Latin. To succeed means literally to “come after”. It’s a sequential thing. There’s one thing, and then it’s succeeded by another thing.

    There was an open field there once. Now there’s woodland.

    The original meaning is value neutral. It doesn’t mean the succession is good. It doesn’t mean the woodland is better. It just came after the field.

    The definition of the word changed in the late 1500s. It came to mean the accomplishment of a desired end. The neutral mechanic of succession had desire and preference added in. Success came to be defined by whether the outcome matches the desire.

    You start with one kingdom, do some invading and end up with two…success!

    You start with no money, and after it you still have no money…failure!

    You start with no qualifications, and end with a PhD…success!

    You start with people being in connection with mother earth, then technology distracts us from nature and we despoil the environment…failure!

    Certain ends are successful. Others are not.

    It is not the addition of desire and preference that I take issue with. Not at all. The problem is that so often we do not question the preference that gives the defined end.

    We mistake the end for the success itself without questioning whether the movement of succession is what we actually want.

    Success is becoming a celebrity, therefore if I too become a celebrity, I will be successful.

    But the end is not the point. The celebrity is not the point. The point is this…

    From whence does the desire come? And is it yours?

    Toward a new definition of success

    To my great grandparents, success was working the farm effectively, so they and their family had enough food to eat. It was a noble goal for the world they lived in. But that is not my world, or yours.

    In its most pure sense, success is succession. It is one step after another. It is the movement down the path of life. If you’re moving, you’re succeeding.

    The deeper cut however, is to truly choose the substance of the path. To truly tune into the deepest desire you are conscious of, and walk that path, wherever it ends.

    Because if we do not stop to consider that substance, that desire, we end up succeeding at someone else’s quest.

    We climb the rungs of the professional ladder, because our culture tells us that is what successful people do. We look at the artists or entrepreneurs we consider successful, and we try to emulate them. We carefully construct a mask of success, because that’s what we think will fill the hunger of our ambition.

    And then maybe we realize that it is all without substance – an idea of success that floats like a balloon filled with hot air. The tether, so easily cut, revealing the true desire that is not based on an idea, but on the very yearning of the soul.

    The successful path

    As I walk, one step succeeding the last, I become more intimate with the dirt under my feet, and the stars over my head. They whisper to me…

    Be true. So true it scares the life out of you.

    Show yourself, the good and the ill.

    Let the lessons of the universe be taught through the folly of the personal.

    Never forget your heart.

    Go first. Ignore the rules, except the one’s you find in yourself that are true because they feel true in the deepest part of you.

    Let others follow if they want to. Don’t persuade them, their following must be freely chosen.

    Light the way. Hold the torch of your truth as high as you dare.