This is a new kind of material for me to share. Because the core teaching I want to give you doesn’t come from me. I was taught this by my spirit guides, and one in particular. Which just still seems like a strange thing to say for me.

I can say though, that as I’ve imbibed these teachings I’ve also realised that I intuitively knew it all along. I’d read spiritual texts on this kind of matter, knew some theory. But being taught it felt more like a kind of remembering. Part of me already knew and has always known, but the larger part of me was still scratching my head.

It’s a teaching that goes right at that fundamental question…

Who am I?

I hope it illuminates more of who you are.

Teachings on the two selves

Daphne is a short and beautiful, like a tantric mystical farmer weaving her love through her brilliance and endless bubbly wisdom.

Or at least, this is how she appears for me, and the name she has given me to call her. As a non-physical being she of course is not that one character. She is simultaneously all her various lives and experiences – she is her whole self. But like my other guides, she shows up as if she was the character in one of those specific earthly lives. She says Daphne was her last life here. She had nothing more to do here after that. It’s a life she’s told me a lot about.

She brings this exquisite mix of grounded wisdom and spiritual love, all infused in pleasure and kindness.

This is what she told me about the nature of self. She says this is universal truth, told in a particular way.

“In my language words, sounds and the things themselves are all one. Practically this is a phonic language – the sounds of the words carry the same sound as the actual thing – its unique harmonic vibration. And so when you say a word you are in fact saying the name of the thing, which then calls that thing to you.

In my culture we would talk about the two sacred selves that each of us is.

So you can think of yourself as having two selves. You have many more, but the fundamental distinction – the base duality – is in these two.

The first is the small self, the one in this body with these parents and this name. And the other self is the big self, which is none other than God.

In English, the names for these selves are Me and I Am.

Me is the English name for the small self. Me is the little one, the small self who is trying their best to be a good person.

The name for the big self is I Am, because you can add any other name of any other thing in the universe, and if you contemplate it long enough or deeply enough, you’ll find it’s true. For example “I am the light.”

In your rational psychological world, “me” is the real self — the ego. You are Ewan, this is who you are.

In spiritual terms, you are not your ego. You are consciousness itself. This is a fundamental tenet of all your mystical systems.

However, your world has not integrated these two truths together.

For us the sacred duality was self-evident. For this is of course the nature of things here on Earth – that we live inside of duality. We are here as a small one – Ewan who worries about things and doesn’t like fish, yet we are actually a big one – you as soul, a self-aware sovereign slither of oneness.

It is this dual self that gives all of the ingredients required for the incarnation game.

When both are held as sacred, it is in the distinguishing between them, and then the integration of them, that “awakening” happens.”

I’ve sat with and absorbed this idea for two years now. And I think at its root, it’s alchemy.

Here in the physical earth realm, we are bound by duality. By design. And so the solution to the apparent problem is to play with and from, the duality itself.

The transformation happens when the pair of opposites creates a third thing. The prima materia is used up, and now we have novel new light – increased consciousness. We have integrated an earthly experience into our soul. We have evolved in a fundamental way.

This is a different worldview than the one that says we must transcend the ego, or indeed the one that says we are only an ego.

Me – the small self

Daphne continues…

“So Me is the name for the sacred small self. It works like any name, if you call it, it’s owner comes to you. So if you’re feeling scattered, discombobulated, like you don’t know where you are, you can say this name like a mantra.

“Me.”

This can feel a little odd in English. English confuses these two selves in interesting ways.

For example, the self that feels hungry and grumpy is of course the small self. So the correct grammar would be.

“Me feel hungry and grumpy.”

Which is of course incorrect in English. Unless you’re a child who hasn’t learned the “right way” yet, in which case, that’s exactly what you say.

English tends to infantilise the small self. This is a mistake and removes the awareness of its sacredness and divinity.”

I’ve been part of so many spiritual circles over the years that see the small self as the problem: the thing that needs healing, that is based on limitation, that is simply an illusion. Those things are all true, from a certain perspective. Yet what Daphne’s teaching has really done for me, is to return the small self to its rightful sacred status.

It’s us. We are the divine child playing at the incarnation game.

This world may be illusory. It’s not actually what it appears to be. And neither are we. But we are not an illusion. Me is not an illusion. It’s the very real and sacred experience of being human.

Problems and language traps

We’re very confused about all of this as a culture. This confusion is revealed by our language and the way we use it.

For example. In spiritual or self-development circles, we often talk about maturation as going beyond the ego – transcending it. Things like…

“When you truly transcend the limitations of your ego, you will know God.”

This is a true dimension of the pathway to self-realization. However, already we’ve run into a language problem.

The word ego in this context comes from Freud. Except, he never said it, because he was writing in German. What did he say?

“Das Ich”.

Which translates literally as “The I”.

The “I” — the self — the subject who’s looking out at the world. Freud’s term is already a 3rd person objectification of the self.

The I.

But our English translation goes one step further. It then objectifies the 1st person self – “I” – into an object — “the ego”. We end up with a very abstracted and objectified perspective. And the thing we’re actually supposed to be examining?

The self. You. Me. The thing that is closest to your experience in every single moment.

Our culture teaches us to marginalise the small self. In fact, if we spend too much time making things about “me”, we have words for that. Selfish. Egocentric. Narcissistic.

Yet so much of our work as now people is to help the little ones inside. This is why we need so much therapy and self development.

In the end though the small me is actually not so small. In fact the more you grow up the little ones (always with love, never without love), the bigger Me gets. And Me can get pretty big.

The big self and the master key spell

Ultimately, we’re not just these small selves that we appear to be. We’re souls – inseparable and conscious parts of source itself – we are source. This is hard to remember down here (the point of the game).

It is to help play this game and erode the mistaken identity that we’re given these different names. Daphne describes the name of the big self like a spell – a master spell that carries deep power. It’s a key to manifestation magic – a spiritual technology that helps things come to be.

“I Am is the name of the big self, because you can say anything else after those words, and it is true. This is the secret of the higher self, to imagine is to be.

In other words, anything you say after this spell becomes true (in some way), and truer the more you say it.

Which of course cuts both ways.

I am the light and love of consciousness

I am fucked-up and my life is shit

Equally powerful spell. Very different outcome.”

In our modern world, we use the negative form of this magic casually and regularly. We condemn ourselves with all kinds of powerful hexes. “I’m no good at this”, “I’m never going to be happy” etc.

The creative form of this magic is simple, and deceptively potent. What’s the thing you want to use the master key to become?

The goal is to feel what’s true in your soul, and yet feels untrue in your self-concept.

“I want to be a painter.”

Ok, so you say as a spell, several times a day, for x days…

“I am a painter.”

Do it like a meditation. Say it with presence and intention. And and notice, and watch what happens to you when you say it. Acknowledge it. Say it again.

If your soul wants to be a painter, and little Me feels like she can’t draw for shit, then it’s the perfect alchemical process for you. To forge a higher truth through the fiery resistance of the ego. As you say it, all the parts of the Me that don’t believe it, will pipe up to point out the apparent contradiction.

“I am a painter.”

“Ha you! You wish.”

“I am painter.”

“You definitely are not! You’re a loser.”

“I am a painter.”

“But I really don’t feel like a painter!”

You keep saying it, and like a child trying to wiggle out of an argument, the small self will change it’s tune.

“I am a painter.”

“Maybe.”

“I am a painter”

“Ok, yeah, I guess I am.”

“I am a painter.”

“Yes, ok. I just wish I was better.”

“I am a painter.”

“…”

“I am a painter.”

“OK I am. It’s my style, I don’t know how I do it. It just comes out.”

“I am a painter.”

“Yes. I am a painter.”

Over time, the two selves find equilibrium in the truth you are manifesting.

The mantras I’ve taken on have been working me in exactly this regard. I’ve had guidance to find them. They’re things that I can feel my soul is asking me to claim, but which little me feels he has no right to at all.

Saying them often makes me feel like a fool. One I’ve been working with for the last year is about my reclaiming my inner sovereignty and agency. I say “I am the King.” I feel foolish even sharing this with you! Which confirms it’s working.

So whenever I remember, I just say it to myself a handful of times. And when I say it, of course all the parts of me that don’t feel kingly pipe up.

“You’re not a king. Get back to the fields peasant!”

They’ve become better natured over time. More like jovial hecklers and less like mean judges.

And the spell works. Slowly, over time.

Here are some more tips from Daphne…

“The best way to use this spell is always to remember that it is simply a spell. Words carry power. Yet they are but a slice of the whole magical pie.

Words that are read aloud like a good boy in class carry some power.

Words that are spoken from the heart, honestly and sincerely carry all the power you need.

Be careful what you ask for. While genuine affirmations are always manifested, the form is entirely out of your control.”

The integration of self

So often I feel so small. The world feels really big and scary, I feel so inept and ill-suited. I can try and muscle my way out of it. “I can handle it!” I proclaim, getting a tighter grip on the stick, remembering how big and strong I am, and putting aside my childishness.

It doesn’t work in the long run. It’s just a cover. I end up using increasing effort and energy to “hold myself together” while inside I’m of course still feeling small. This is what many spiritual gurus and world leaders do. Which ironically enough, makes them very egoic!

The other way doesn’t work either. Despite all my spiritual training, just “accepting the smallness” and “allowing my feelings” seems to leave me feeling smaller than when I started. And even more in touch with the feeling of intense vulnerability and trauma that incarnation seems to elicit.

The alchemy I believe, lies in the integration and simultaneous embodiment of both selves. To allow myself to feel small, to embody the feelings of fear and pain. And to remember I am big, to embody the expansive soul truly am.

For we are each both of these selves. In every moment.

And we have collectively forgotten who we ultimately are – each a divine spark of the One, the source of all that is. Each of us a soul who chose these experiences to come and learn from, such that the One may know itself through the Many. So that the big can experience itself through the small.

We really do need to wake up to who we really are. The soul. The One. “I Am”. The spiritual path is correct in this respect.

Yet we must not make the mistake of our spiritual culture, and exclude the little one from the journey. That’s us too. I’m me. You’re you. And these little separate selves are so deeply sacred.

Together they create the human being.

Me — I Am.