I started asking myself this question just over a year ago.
Last autumn I went through one of the toughest periods of my life.
After returning from 7 months of traveling in June of 2013, things were on the up. I was full of audacious ideas, a new business partnership, renewed juju.
And then it all started to crash.
The woman I’d met in Bali, and for whom I’d returned from America to be with, was not happy with how I was being. Our relationship was really struggling. I was really struggling.
While I was finding success in the work I was doing – the entrepreneurs academy I’d co-founded was doing really well – I was not happy.
The new business partnership I’d started in San Francisco had petered out before it really got going. I knew I wasn’t doing what I actually wanted to do, but I couldn’t think of what that was. And I needed money.
So, when my relationship hit crisis point, and I realized I didn’t have anywhere to retreat to (I’d been crashing with my woman in her room – big mistake), I had to take drastic action.
I called my mum in tears.
“Mum, things have got really bad here, and I don’t have anywhere else to go. can I come and stay with you for a little bit?”
That ‘little bit’ ended up being 4 months, split between my parents houses (they’re separated). here I was, at 31, living back with my parents, my relationship on the rocks, my business ideals in tatters. My ego was crushed.
My bright mind couldn’t get me out of the twisting maze.
- I’m not doing the work I’m supposed to.
- I don’t know what that is, or how to get paid from it.
- But I need money to get a house, and get myself grounded again.
- But I can’t do work that my heart isn’t in anymore.
- Repeat.
I kept trying to strategize it – come up with the smart plan that would get me what I wanted, without stress, and without betraying my heart.
But it just kept looping, around and around.
So I turned to God.
I don’t know why. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Even though I didn’t really know what that meant. And I still carried a bunch of Christian allergies. But I went in.
I started reading Christian mysticism, and meditating and praying profusely.
And somewhere in the tumult of swirling experiences, the question was given to me.
What is being asked of me?
It’s a question I’ve asked myself countless times since then. And one I’ve asked my clients, and friends too.
I like it as a question. Deeply.
It’s powerful. Fucking powerful. And yet, it doesn’t assume anything, except that something is possible. And that that possibility is greater than I am.
It pulls at my edges. It pulls at what I consider possible. It pulls at the edges of my individuality, connecting me to a greater whole. A greater plan. A greater play.
And so, as I sit back and reflect on this year, it is this question that has pulled and called me forth into things I could not have manifested alone.
It’s the question I ask when things get confusing. It’s the question I ask when I’m freezing up in fear. It’s the question I ask when I want to connect with something infinitely wider than my mind.
I could list so many things that this question has opened up for me.
Here are 5 big ones.
1. Quitting the Business Academy I Co-founded
It wasn’t simply the academy that I stepped away from, but the business partnership I’d had for two and a half years.
It was a huge decision.
I didn’t know where money would come from afterwards. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do instead. I didn’t know whether I was being sensible or idiotic.
But it was what was asked of me.
I could feel the truth of it. And I could hear the truth of it from the mouths of loved ones around me.
All the while my rational mind was going loopy. It couldn’t make sense of it. And my anxiety was spinning itself up, telling me what I was doing was ‘not safe’.
I kept checking in. Is this what is being asked of me?
“Yes.”
It was the hardest decision I made this year. It was the best decision I made this year. It’s changed my life.
2. Reaching out to a Mentor
For about 3 months, I kept having intuitions about it.
A voice kept saying: “Reach out to him, ask him to be your mentor.”
I couldn’t make sense of it. He’s an incredibly busy guy. A leader of a big and successful business. I don’t even know him that well.
So I’d let it go. And forget about it. And a few weeks later, it would pop up again.
“Reach out to him. Ask him to be your mentor.”
This is what’s being asked of me? To reach out?
“Yes.”
So I did. And he said yes.
We meet every month. It’s incredibly powerful. I feel so blessed. Being with him and receiving his help has had profound effects on me and my business.
3. Signing my First Long-term Coaching Clients
They wanted to work with me.
I’d coached them through the academy I’d just stepped out of. I’d gone way beyond the coaching they’d paid for, because I just loved them and their business.
I’d coached people on and off for several years, but I’d never signed my own private clients to a long-term package deal before. I’d always done it on a session by session basis. But this needed something way bigger than that.
I wrote them a proposal. It took me two days. The package and price I quoted them scared the shit out of me. It was big.
Is this what I’m asked to do? Is this what I’m asked to quote them?
“Yes.”
Fuck.
I sent it to them, and felt all the tension drip off me.
I’d spoken my pure truth. I wasn’t anxious about what they would say. I’d spoken my heart. There was nothing more I could do.
And then they said yes.
And then I called them and checked their commitment level. I could feel some hesitancy in them, and I wanted it to be a full yes.
They said that had them trust me even more.
We did some fabulous work together. We learned a huge amount. They’re now some of my favorite people on the planet.
4. Hiring a Coach I Couldn’t Afford
I’d known for some time that I wanted to invest in a coach of my own. I knew it was time for me.
I’d spoken to Steve Chandler, one of the biggest coaches around. He was an option. But it didn’t feel right. I half-approached another couple of people I knew, and sounded them out. But none of it felt right.
Then my friend Lisa had an intuition I should reach out to Sam, a coach and good friend of hers. Which I did.
We ended up talking for two and a half hours. It felt so right to be coached by him. And the price he quoted me scared the shit out of me.
I slept on it, and went for a walk in the park early the next morning. I tuned in.
Am I asked to sign up for this?
“Yes.” Fuck. But I’m scared. I can’t afford this.
I’m really asked to do this?
“Yes.”
So I biked over to a cafe, and sent him the money.
The coaching with Sam has taken my business to another level. And it’s taken me to another level of myself.
5. Publishing Things I Didn’t Want to Publish
It must have been just before I finally launched this site (it took me over 7 months from sketch to launch, seriously). I was meditating, and could feel that there was something wanting to come through.
I tuned in deeply, and cast my closed eyes upward. There were two guys sitting there in big stone chairs. One was old, un-attached, immovable. One was younger, fiery, charming. I trusted them completely, immediately.
What’s being asked of me?
The answer was instant.
“Ewan. You must speak. You must speak.”
I knew it was true. Truer than ideas or concepts. Truth in its rawest form.
So I vowed to speak. To speak the things I felt in my heart, but was deeply resisting to utter with my lips.
I published the blogs here on this site. And each and every time I could feel the counter-force fighting me. I’d squirm as I hit ‘share’ on facebook.
But I trusted it. I knew it was what was being asked of me.
What is being asked of you?
It’s the most powerful question I know.
It’s one you can’t get wrong. You can’t get it right either.
But you can ask it. Deliberately. Resolutely. Faithfully. And you can feel the truth of what is asked in return. And you can make a choice. To listen.
What is being asked of you?
Really. Be with it. Now.
What is being asked of you?
It’s not a homework assignment. It’s the call of your being.
What is being asked of you?
It’s already there. The question is already in you. You just need to reach out and listen.
What is being asked of you?
Write it down. Breathe it in. Offer it up.
For me it is very much still “to speak”. Like this. Self-revealing.
And also to serve the shit out of my clients. And love the fuck out of my partner.
For you?
Thank God and Thank you. I loved this. Very timely for me.
Glad it served Joshua.
To open up. Wow…
I wasn’t expecting that. But it really fits you. Yes. Unpack over coffee.
Mmmmmm… Great. I love the truth of the post, and the practical usefulness of having that question in my toolbox. Thanks. And Merry Christmas, of course.
Thanks Robbie.
..to be BIG.. and it is scary..
Yes, and it should be. If it is not scary, then it is not truly the call of the higher self, the future possibility.
To be BIG. Love it Angelika.
Wow, Beau.Ti.Ful. Surrender to Life, I guess it is what Life is asking of me but boy am I still scared. And at the same time so much longing for it. Happy I came across this blog, it is inspiring and the question will for sure be very helpful to me.
Jennifer – yes, the question and answer are only really the first shuffle of the foot aren’t they? The step is in moving despite the fear, and keep on moving while feeling the resistance. And keep feeling that longing.
it’s great and inspiring to read about real stories in a world where everyone seems to be succesful, without any downside. Looking forward to read more from you next year…
Wouter – There’s an awful lot of positive spinning around isn’t there? As if the struggle is somehow not ok. For me, I know it was that 4 months of letting things fall apart, break down, and turn to shit, that allowed the new shoots of consciousness to grow. Like compost.
Ewan – Mmmm feel so blessed by our friendship. There is a fierceness needed sometimes to rise and expand to our fullness. And yet to surrender too the flow of divine guidance too. I find the trusting to the flow of intention and letting go at the same time is the test of living my true purpose. Thank you and sending you so much love and appreciation. Happy Festive Season
Ann – yes, I’ve mused much on the interplay of commitment and surrender. Seems like such a fundamental dance. And yet they often appear as such a paradox.
Much love to you.
Ewan what a profound article and question! Thanks so much for writing and letting us hear you speak.
I was stuck in letting a business go 2 years ago, too… And this question would have really helped so much.
Great to have it in my toolbox now!
Thanks for reading and hearing Liesel! Yes, the question would have served me many times in years gone by too!
LOVE this question…thanks for sharing your journey so openly too, it’s inspiring.
The problem is if you’ve overthought this question, and can’t get quiet enough to hear the answer, or all you hear are the “shoulds” from all the coaches and business info online….
Hi Ellen. What has you think I’ve overthought this?
Ewan, it is not about you.
Of course it is (not).
To Listen. To feel. To open up. To follow.
Lovely Jiri.
Thanks. It scares me. It feels not easy at all. But maybe it is easier than all the fight with the whole world I had for my whole life.
What is asked is rarely easy in my experience. For it is the asking of our higher self, the one who is already in us, but whose embodiment lies in the future.
That’s what makes it a challenge. And that’s what makes it so FULL of power too.
I’m rooting for ya.
Good morning,
Thank you for writing this!
(what is being asked of me?)
to be JOY.
In the moment I was asking that question and became silent in my mind, waiting for the answer, I saw an image of myself being so joyous and I realised how healing that state is not only to myself but also to others.
What is being asked of me? To be me radiant self so I can share with others the deep love and knowlegde I found within my heart.
xxx
Els – beautiful. A radiant being you are indeed. You have so much to share.
This is absolutely what I needed to hear right now, at a crossroads and no idea what is being asked of me, knowing I need to move forward from what I’ve been doing and no notion where I am going or whom to ask for help/ support/ guidance. Scary and wide open! Good to hear your inspiration.
Glad it landed at the right time Ron.
Great Question; For now Nothing is asked of me; Yes … it is possible upon inquiry towards even Infinity;
However …
… am sure that when I choose again, anew some Story of Life I can have most fun with this Question will serve me really well. Thank You Ewan for a great QUESTion and have the guts to go through, to let go … and share.
You are welcome Raphael.
your deep soul writing and sharing makes you an amazing beautiful creature…!! thanks so much!! blessings on the road…!!!
Aw. Thank you Paula. Feeling touched 🙂
I’ve spent years following my intuition, trying to discern the path to do what is being asked of me. It has been an amazing (and sometimes difficult) ride. But what I’ve noticed in myself is that I have been trying so hard to get it right, to do my best, to do what needs to be done that there is always a sense of striving rather than arriving. I’ve noticed there has been a cost of this single minded (but very heart felt) desire to do what is being asked. My life doesn’t have the depth and richness I would like becuase the focus has been only on what is asked of me.
Now I am feeling called to explore a slightly different orientation that places the locus of the question in my heart, grounded in my body and the present moment. I don’t quite have the words yet, but it is more like “what is possible, what could arise from this moment, from this place where I already am – rather than what is being asked that I work towards”. This might not be true for everyone, but for me it is the difference between striving to fulfill a mission (like running a marathon) and feeling an upwelling of joy and creativity and possibility from a place of being ok with myself as I am in the moment (like the bubbling up of a fountain).
Still exploring. Thanks for stimulating the discussion.
Thanks for this share Kathy. Sounds like what is being asked of you is to appreciate and spring from what already is. Not what could be.
Excellent writing Ewan. Thank you! I think arranging things though the mentor model is the right way. Then you have a sort of current going out from those who are really connected.
I asked what I am supposed to be doing here on this planet in 2013 too, and I got the first answer or “knowing” back then. I realize I can just continue asking. Scary stuff!
Right on Christian.